:: what if ::

this wk, in 2002, i just gt myself a place to stay. on 27th feb of that yr, it was my 1st day in uni. i was miserable. i was lost in school. i wanted to be back in sg. i was swearing and cursing on why am i there in e 1st plc. what have i got myself into? hw lonely i felt. i didnt noe hw will i survive.

this wk in 2003, i went for interviews. worrying abt nt getting a job. bt soon aft i gt this "amazing job", i went thru lots of crap. i was thinkin abt gg bck to uni. gg bck to a world that is soo different frm here. a plc i called hm for nearly a yr. the hectic lifestyle, the late nights in e office was unbearable for me. i miss the simple life that i had.

this wk in 2004, i just started in my new job. i'm gettin bck to my singaporean lifestyle. working my ass off, trying to prove that i am a gd worker. trying to prove myself to e "big" people. kiasuism is setting in. e thots of my previous laidback lifestyle is long forgotten. i forget hw it feels to sit down and let e world pass by.

this week in 2005. i'm beginning to think more abt the things dat i've done and experienced in 2002. i kept tinking abt the old times. i come to realise that all my hardwork is nt payin off and not appreciated. I'm working harder now, have to literally beg for my own leave entitlement. being made to feel as tho i owe them for giving me a job.

interesting enuff, i kept thinkin back abt what if i had stayed there. what if i had decided to take up e job offer there. what could have happened? what if i had decided to send my works for the exhibition? roger tried to talk me into it bt i refused. what if i had said yes, and stayed on?

guess everyting happen for a reason and now, this week in 2005, i'm left with lots of "what ifs" .....